In the morning, I was asked how the party was by my mother. Being tired,and of late more open with her, I told her about the people who hadkissed me. She knew neither of them, but did not seem bothered by thefact I had been kissed by a gay man. What she was more interested in wasthe way I was spending time with girls, and wanted to know if Iidentified with girls or boys. I had thought about this before and knewI was a boy, but liked the way girls were less macho, the way theythought about how they looked, and the way they could just talk morefreely about things which affected them. She listened carefully,concluding with me that it was no coincidence that a gay female as wellas a gay male could find me attractive, as I was displaying quitefeminine traits while still maintaining something of my masculinity. Shefinished the conversation with a question. Over the past year mymasculinity had been eroded in favour of the more girly image. Did Iintend this to continue and drift further into. I stayed at their house, while my parents were gone.”As she was telling me, the tears started flowing. I looked into those beautiful blues and said, “It’s okay if you want to take a break, you have waited this long, I sure can wait a little bit longer.”“No, I have to get it out now! He was a very good looking man and I did have a crush on him. He was always putting his arm around me and tickling me. My boobs started developing when I was twelve and by the time I was seventeen, I was as big as I am now. I was so immature I had no idea what was going on. One night his wife had gone to play bridge at the country club. I had just finished taking my shower and I was drying off. The bathroom door opened and he walked in. He took me in his arms and started kissing me. I tried to push him away and was telling him no. He took me into the bedroom and made me pregnant, he took my virginity.”All I could do was hold her close and tell her it was okay. At this moment, I was so disgusted with human.
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